Pete, the Valentine’s Day festively writhing tentacle mass would like to urge us all to stay safe this February 14th.

If couples do not comply with his request, Pete will personally, and lovingly compress them into a singularity in the spirit of the holiday.

If couples conduct effective ceremonial procedures throughout the duration of the romantic period, they will be personally, and lovingly compressed into a singularity by Pete’s fervorous many micro-bladed oscillating limbs, celebratorily.